It’s a good question to ask every once in a while. A look in the mirror moment and confirm or deny. What purpose does it serve? Who benefits? On and on. None of that is why I do it or did it. It’s a love and a way of life that kept me whole. And if not writing songs, I’m sure there’s something you do that you can point to as more than a hobby. It’s a passion.
Sometimes life interrupts and you spend time away from the process. Or find that the process is no longer possible. If you’re smart, you find a way to do both. Having said that, I really regret nothing. If anything, I just wish I had time to have my cake and eat it too. I’m spoiled like that.
Back to the question, though. Am I a songwriter or am I someone that writes songs. I think of a songwriter as someone who can’t turn it off and a person that writes songs as just having the ability. The truth is, I’m a walking melody and my footsteps are the beat. My left foot is the kick drum and my right is the snare. Honestly, I wasn’t really aware of it until I sat down to write this. It’s just one of those things that’s on the tip of your tongue all the time. So much so that you never really see it. And of course, my voice or my whistle is the melody.
The good thing about it is that I’m always exploring melody. It’s spilled over into the time I spend with my son. He doesn’t speak yet. So we communicate more with noises and gestures. I don’t practice this or do it purposefully, it just comes out. I love it, and I hope it someday spills over to him and he carries a song in his heart all the time like I do. On the flip side, though, it only stays with me as long as I am not distracted by a new task or issue.
If I was smart, I would attempt to record the melodies and revisit them when I have time. I’m not, though. I guess I haven’t made the transition to parenthood in that respect. I still believe my creativeness is a never ending well. But the longer I go without applying this creative gift to a focused effort, the more I get anxious about if I can still put it all together into a single thought.
I don’t know, maybe I’m a songwriter that stopped practicing. Like a lawyer or doctor that went on sabbatical. I don’t want it to stay that way. But the responsibilities before me demand my time and attention. Like I said before, I’m fine with that. The loss of myself does at least give back in love and enjoyment of those around me. Why keep the webpage, though? Well, someday I’ll be back and I’d hate to get rid of this place that I’ve chronicled the last decade of my life and music. It’ll be fun to look back on one day and take stock of my life.